Unable to function

Hi Never written on one of these forums - but have looked today and maybe writing something down or thinking that someone out there is listening may help. I know I have depression, have had medication prescribed recently, but decided to stop it, as to me I felt like this was an admission of another one of my failings. Over the last 2 - 3 years life has dealt some strange cards. I eventually managed to get out of a violent and unhappy marriage, lost my lovely home, became quite poorly, and had several amounts of surgery, of which I am still recovering from, and still under the care of consultants. Due to all this I could not work anymore, of which I have to say I do miss - try getting a job with my medical history - impossible !! But I am still applying and still dealing with daily pain through my illness. Unfortunately I feel very "down" most days. I am not enjoying my life at all - even though I have met a fabulous man who truly loves and cares for me, of which is definately reciprecated. I often wonder where life is going, am constantly in tears, have lost count of the times I have thought of saying goodbye to the world, wonder why I am still here, and what is the point to it all?? I live now with my partner in a very isolated area, no friends, locals are very unwelcoming, and I am very much an outsider here. My family live in England, and I miss them all terribly. To be honest I am the "strong" one in the family, everyone seems to always want to turn to me for help and advice - I usually put others before me, often forgetting about little old me !! Why I am so miserable I don't know - I just know I cannot carry on like this. Any thoughts or suggestions would be good or any one local to chat to would be nice. Thanks - sorry for wibbling so much !!